I never got a chance to post last week, but I was at 212. A modest loss, but a loss all the same. I think this week I’ll be up, but this is a learning process, so mistakes will get made.
Last week I worked out with my trainer twice and went to yoga on Saturday. In yoga we had a different instructor than the one I’ve really come to like, and she had us do a stretch which totally messed up my back. I’ve had lower back issues for the last few years, and I should have known better and skipped the stretch. But I wasn’t really thinking about it, and man I’m paying now. Ugh.
I’ve been thinking about a post I want to make about diets. It seems like there are two ways of going about it:
1. Limit the types of foods you can eat – with the idea that you don’t have to worry about calories if you’re only eating specific foods
2. calorie counting or some other tracking mechanism which does something similar
Interestingly, last time I checked out Weight Watchers, they actually have two programs, one that follows #1 and one that follows the point system which is basically #2. There is of course those programs that combine the two as well.
Anyway, all this is to say that I’m trying to replace bad foods with good foods and go for #1. I’ve been avoiding #2 because I hate calorie counting, but I really think that if I want to be serious about losing weight, I will need to do #2. Perhaps as I change my eating habits I can move into #1, which would be a great place to be for maintenance. But wow, I hate counting calories.
I have a pretty messed up relationship with food. When I was a kid, we were homeless for 14 months, when I was in 5th and 6th grades. I never went hungry that I remember, but I know we had a lot of rice and beans because they are so cheap. We used to also get cans from the store in which the labels had fallen off as they were either free or heavily discounted (I don’t remember). My parents were great, they made a game out of it. I always loved when it was my turn to pick a “mystery can” and my parents would make a meal around it. However, it has left me with this ongoing feeling that being able to have ANY food is something that should be taken advantage of, because you never know when you’ll be back to rice and beans. Unsurprisingly, when we finally got stable surroundings and were able to get more food variety, I gained weight. I’ve been heavy pretty much since 7th grade.
Secondly, when I was fresh out of college, I began dating a guy who had lost a lot of weight. He told me he just had one meal a day, and made sure he didn’t eat very many calories in that one meal. I lost 85 lbs by eating < 600 calories a day. Of course, I also ended up hospitalized and with serious physical fallout, but y’know, SKINNY! So the reason calorie counting worries me is because it triggers the feelings of control and the mental crapola that comes with it.
I’ve seen a therapist for a few years now, dealt with a lot of my anxiety and control issues, but let’s be honest. It’s an ongoing battle. Trying to find a balance between listening to my body, not getting overly controlling, but not letting the food control me either is something I’m still trying to master.